Imagine nails placed vertically upside down on your seat. The moment you sit, you feel like getting up, but then, the floor is burning hot as well. You don’t really know what to do and try identifying what is making you so restless. Finally, you arrive at the fact that it is the usual keeda (bug) that keeps biting every artist once in a while. That bug could be termed as anything – an expression, an idea, a thought, an inspiration or anything you want to call it. Even that keeda does not know what it really is. It is as restless as you are and keeps biting you to find its own identity. You then have no other option but to try and find out its real form, the real form of that expression, that idea or whatever name you want to give it. The keeda then pushes you to find the medium through which you can give a definite form to that expression. Each artist channelizes his or her energy through a medium he or she is comfortable with. A painter would start painting, a singer starts singing, a filmmaker starts making films. By the end of this process, that expression is out. The artist tries his or her best to best match the keeda’s expectations. He or she might fall short of them in some cases but then the keeda is mostly happy for the fact that you devoted your love towards giving it a form, an identity which it always craved for. The keeda retrieves back, stops biting, and the artist feels at ease.
Not for long though. Keeda sooner or later starts biting again, seeking a new identity!
I rest with my eyes open, wondering when sleep will take over me… wandering in search of something that even I don’t know what it’s going to be like, when I find it or should I say, if I find it. Certainty is a state of mind that breaks a chain of thoughts. I wished I was certain about what I am going through. Lucky are the ones who “know”. But when knowledge goes beyond what the books say, you start taking a trip that has no end. The restless mind makes you want to “know” and when you easily believe in what your mind has to say, life gets easy. But when another part of your mind takes a separate route, there is conflict until the time both these parts arrive at a consensus. I hope I break my chain of thoughts soon, I hope I learn to think of “Nothing” one day at least for some time.
Again a thought you might want to think about. As I write this, I would never even in my dreams want you to be influenced by my opinions. It would be an absolute nightmare for me if that happened, because that was never what I intended to do. I am just putting my thoughts across through my writings and want you to ponder about them… arrive at your own conclusions. Though, it’s my thought, I don’t claim that it’s original. Even I have been influenced in some way by what I have observed, experienced or read. What I derive at through my experiences is subject to alterations as I make new observations. Logic is what drives my thought. If you don’t find logic in what I am proposing you are entitled to thrash it. But reasoning is always prejudiced by earlier influences which make thought processes even more rigid. What’s required is a need to disconnect with your influences and treat your new thought in isolation from all that you’ve learned earlier. What I think is that unlearning first to learn new concepts leads to a greater and in most cases a more accurate understanding.
Commercial breaks are indeed very irritating, especially when you are in the middle of watching an intense movie on TV. Also machines tend to take some time to start functioning in its best form when it is started after a break of few days. But when it comes to human psychology, it’s completely the opposite. The human brain gets tired of monotonous or routine activities and is always looking for something exciting, which is different from what we generally do on a day-to-day basis. A simple break for the human brain can do wonders according to me, which could be anything, a physical break or even a mental break. What it does is, it breaks the series of thoughts that emerge inside you and offers you another starting point to think over things afresh. That’s the reason why we get a whole new perspective about something that you had thought about before the break. The basic point I am trying to make is if you think you are angry at something, take a break (watch some football maybe) and come back to the thought after a while. You might end up laughing at the reason why you got angry at the first place. If you are still angry then you are probably really angry and need to talk to someone. I am here! 🙂
The other day I was travelling by bus and was pondering over two things, one thought was about what I wrote in my last blog post; about building an amusement park in Ayodhya. The other one though, was lost in thin air! (Using that proverb just to sugar coat things, actually there is no such thing as “thin air” in Mumbai. The air here is filled with thick smoke coming out of vehicles). I was really excited, because I realised that I had something to write about for my next 2 blog posts. But I lost that thought because of something that happened in the bus. The bus conductor is generally short of change and takes money from you and gives back the pending change once he gets it from other commuters. So this guy claimed that he had given 50 bucks to the conductor and had to get 35 bucks back. But the conductor stuck to his point that the guy had only given 20 bucks and deserved to get only Rs 5 back. It looked like the guy belonged to a well off family and would not lie just to earn 30 more bucks. So with my assumption I thought of interfering and asked the conductor to take it easy and told him that he must have forgotten. But he was very stubborn and stuck to his point that he had never made a mistake like this since 5 years. He also told me. “Who are you to question me?” I somehow tried convincing him and told him that sometimes you can’t trust your memory when you are dealing with so many things to remember. The conductor finally gave up but the most annoying thing that he did at the end is he said “Ok, if you think I forgot, then I must have forgotten” The powerful statement that he made, made me uncomfortable for almost 2 hours. I started wondering, maybe I made a wrong assumption. By the end of 2 hours I forgot the 2nd thought that came to me before the whole incident took place. I actually learned a lesson that you can’t really trust your memory at times. But I am happy, I had something to write anyways! 🙂
It has been a while since I have accepted the fact that I am a writer (not sure if should say typist heheh) and people around me are still not too convinced about that. Yes I am a writer and I don’t claim that I am a better writer than you, but I love telling stories and expressing my thoughts through words. I am neither scared of making a fool of myself, nor of people accusing me of being “too sensitive” while doing that. Yes I am sensitive and it’s my sensitivity that makes me write. In-fact I enjoy writing not just because it’s my bread and butter but also because I love doing it without getting tired of it, like you don’t get tired of what you do for your living. I am not intellectual and I don’t mind the fact that my thoughts are immature or stupid. Also there is a very strange perception that people generally have about writers that we sit in dark rooms and keep typing and writing something, which is not at all true in most cases. We like to observe, are moved by things that we see around us and have a strong urge to say what’s on our mind out there in the open absolutely naked, for you to read or to thrash. I am sure, some of you would be thinking, “is this guy in his senses? Why the hell is he writing these meaningless blog posts?” All I want to tell them is, “Because I want to write them!”